थिस इस माय Secret

Sorry, I can’t tell to you what actually happen to me. I feel so sad lately, I don’t know what happen to me. Everything seems different to me. Allah I need your help for everything that I have faced. What is my fault? I only hope there will be someone will understand me. I feel so dirt Allah, what make me feel You are beside me to cover me from all the things that happen to me. I can’t save this feeling but I can’t even tell him., So, what should I do?
I want to run far-far away from this earth, but I don’t want to stay away from these problems. I have ever tried to show him what I’ve got to him, but he doesn’t even show me what I expect about him. Allah, I really don’t want him to leave me. I can’t even see him with another woman.
I try to give him my best but I can’t see him say any thanks word from him to me. I do love him but I am worry if sometime I will be loosing him.
Please don’t make him stay away from me, I do love him so much but I can’t give all my love only for him.
I don’t understand what is in his mind, sometimes I feel love him, but in the other time I feel hate him so much. What should I do now? I try to avoid him but I can’t because I can’t if I shouldn’t see him for a day. And I pretend like I don’t like him, but the reality is, I do love him. I can’t hide this feeling to him, I am glad if he isn’t able to read what is in my heart.